Today I was born a cat, whiskers and a tail, fluffy but not fat
Today I saw with my eyes, parallel and in sync, pulsing with interest
This owl, she said, she speaks in her mind with her stare
We stood there, silent, the world, afraid to intrude as it knew
I spoke, I know she knows, we stand, standing with innocence
Speechless for an entire year, the distance hasn’t gotten any shorter
She flies, I run, sprinting toward our direct radius and suddenly nothing
Face to face, we agree to hold each other, hold our own every lives
Anonymous asked: are you going to the beatles: the lost concert" movie when it comes out next month?
I didn’t even know that was a thing… probably not, I’m not a big Beatles fan.
Getting the best out of someone is no easy feat, it takes time and lots of care. At first it’s pretty risky, just the thought of going up to someone and speaking to them is intimidating. What if they’re not interested? Or worse, what if they’re not interesting? If its the first of the two then you’re safe because interest is a two-way street and traffic is important. If it’s the ladder then that’s more of a one way street, a very very dead and desolate place, don’t go there.
So let’s say you meet this person and they’re more of “two-way street” character but it’s more of a ‘12 in the afternoon and there’s hardly any cars out’ type of deal. Then this has potential, first assess the yourself before you continue with any interest. Do you just want someone to talk to for that moment? Maybe they came up to you, or maybe you are in the field of love and are seeking a partner. Whatever your specific goal is, keep it in the back of your head because you never know how that conversation will turn out.
Next, now that you’ve had a solid conversation with said over person then you’re probably wondering what should you do next. There’s always that 3 day calling rules (assuming you got their number) but who really calls anyone anymore? Exchanging Facebooks is popular option now-a-days but the downside of this comes from everyone else you two might know. I suggest before ending that first conversation, agree to allow chance, you know that random thing, to determine your next meet. This determines the open mindness of the other person and kind of makes the whole ordeal a nice little present.
Lastly, the encounter; the probability that you might actually meet this person again. It could come in the form of a subtle wave across a sea of people, or a random physical bump-into-you moment that leaves you both confused. Consider a few things before this second meet, first, how much did you really enjoy that spontaneous chat? Do you connect with this person a lot better than most people or just average? And what do you expect your second conversation to be like? Some of these questions may have instant answers which is a good and bad thing but none of that matters at this point. Engage them and allow them to return to you, soon a pattern will emerge and personal depth begins to become prominent.
Congratulations, you have now done what so many others have accomplished throughout their entire lives. The quiet nature of human interaction is unusual to say least and can misguide many into a contactless corner. Don’t allow yourself to fear others and the chances/mistakes that will happen over the course of a deep and meaningful relationship. And if all least fails or you just happen to live in a crappy place, invest in a pet*. I heard dogs are great at playing catch, not so much cats.
*Don’t get a pet silly! Get out there and find someone!
In the limelight of the world’s stage nothing comes closer. Everyone and everything is hungry and ready with swollen stomachs and open apertures. Dim is the new bright as shadows begin to recede with overwhelming definition. Soon, appendages blacken and what seemed far at first is now showing texture. The ground rumbles yet every seat remains perfectly still like the open air in a crowded room. Silence echoes, a gunshot to the head of trepidation, so soon men are born leaving what little innocence and a sandbox.
I can’t make you into the hero you’re supposed be, I can only hope you turn out the way we planned. With every passing light and every shooting star the end sprouts nearer, closer like the hand that holds you on the ground. We didn’t choose to live forever as aging reminded us to forget our older selves. This is our time, there has never been a truer season for forethought and if fear chooses to light our path with the engulfing sun then we choose to walk forward. I can only tell you what you are, show you that it’s uphill as the oceans rise, there are no happy endings, only success.
This mental sea is leaking right out of me, dripping out whenever I conceive my ploys for attraction. These hands begin to get restless as I didn’t ask for this daily labor. But truly who am I to complain when the efforts of many overshadow my own. A soiled child, branding that very few toss around yet always keep open eyes on as it ascends skyward. Here I am and have been for so long, allowing this wall to protrude well beyond an acceptable length. And as my peripheral jealousy catches on to my former colleagues I cant help but feel like wit is a real curse. Tom Sawyer’s influence should not be commended but rather reflected on, just as the past reflects the person who I will be. It all starts now which is why fear has a real hold on me, the fear of choosing wrong or right. No choice is the worst choice I would assume as assumption as made by people with little direction. This confusing compass has been wielding weapons of murder, all points lay towards me. It’s do or die and the bell is about to ring louder than its ever been rung, a personal revolution is in the makings but will all this work really rein fulfillment… only time will tell.
Maybe if you stopped for one second and listen, you could hear my voice echo in the distance. I’ve been crying out your name for so long that the sirens have mistaken me, for urgency has suddenly rang. Like the nicotine filled sunsets and the races that lead us so wildly across chess tables, imagining the chances. Blood is thick but not thicker than the complications of our compilations. And as we carry on, allowing the sea to remove our prints, we surely forget our first rush. So sweet the taste that it paralyzed future flavored rings and a hatred for collect calls. Do you read with memory? Listen, do you remember any of this? I sure hope not or else the place we burnt down together was for not.
As time goes on, we experience a yearly reminders in numerical form of timely existence. “Birthday(s)” we call them, we get one every 365 days or so from the moment we escape our mother’s womb. At first its lack luster and boring, just a whole waste of time because we have the attention span of a fly. Soon we receive gifts and then its a completely different ball game because its our time in the year to get whatever we want (besides Christmas). As time progresses, its becomes less about toys and more about money and whatever pricey objects our parents can afford. After the those teenage years and up, its less about gifts and more about the right to do whatever we want (in society.)
I just turned 21 year old as of yesterday and I admit, I was ecstatic the month coming up to this day. Yet, after the day pasted I soon realized that no gift, no money value, no right given could truly represent what this day holds for me. Exactly 21 years ago yesterday I was born, 14 years ago I wanted a Nintendo 64, 7 years ago I wanted $300 in cash, and just 3 years ago I wanted to be an considered an adult. I have nothing to look forward to now; objects, money, rights, are all just fallacies that obscure the real workings of this, this honorary day. Today I get to finally look back and realize that life isn’t constant and there is no default for any stage of life. The people that I’ve met, the choices I’ve made, the chances that have fallen on me are all just the working gears that run my existence. Thank you to my family because they’ve stuck by me doing every stage, even the ones they didnt understand. Thanks you to the friends I’ve made over the past 21 years that have come and gone and stayed to share the best and the worst of me. Finally, thank you, I thank the unknown and the real shroud that creates life as we know it. I’m only a man of word, I can only speak from what I know and lack there of so take this for what it is, a milestone. I don’t know what’s going happen tomorrow or frankly a year from now but I do know that I’m proud of where I’ve come from and the substance that’s engulfed my being. I am who I am because of everyone and everything that have gotten me this far and I couldn’t be more grateful for it. I end this rant with an exert from The Great Gatsby, “Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter — tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…. And then one fine morning — So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
Thank you.
“ Brave men with something to prove die young.
Andy Sandoval
Ready riggings; full sails and following seas
Yonder’s clock strikes so keep steady suit
A boat filled with compasses that never point north
Nor have any seen a half empty sea
Set course for reflecting skies with little dimension
Sending, relaying, receiving, expecting
Masking winds carrying tragedy, heaven’s flood
Illusions that depress, not for the faint hearted
Lead one toss to another over wickedness
Ease all with a blink and soon too this will pass
Difficulty is by default but what whether by weather
Decided and deliberate, refined and true
Dear friends,
Its nearly been a decade since we all first met, since the days of hanging out near dumpsters cans and era of sensationalistic religious choice. Thinking back, none of us really knew who we were, we all just wanted someone to talk to and joke around with. Soon we discovered that by having each other we could somehow make school bearable to the point of looking forward to the next day. We didn’t truly understand what we had until those semesters came to an end, and even more so soon after we all branched out. It wasn’t until near the end of our 4 years that we kind of made this place in our minds for each other, like family, because that’s what we really become, a family. The titles we gave each other, the order of who gets in contact with who, and even the drama had this ‘I hate you but I’ll be here for you no matter what’ feel to it.
What happened to that? When did we all decide that growing up meant pushing someone away, or worse, letting them get away? Maybe I’m the one that created this “family” when I pretended and everyone got their imaginary names. Maybe the past IS the past and what once was can never be because its what’s made us into these people. I honestly, for the life of me, can’t give you a straight answer nor can I fabricate some crazy abstract response to help me get away. The only thing I know is, I miss you guys.
I miss everything. Before the kids, before the bands, before the new face with new characters. Back, way back before all of us even wanted to be anyone with silly ideas. No relationship to cause discomfort, no substances to result in any mistakes. When having a “good time” meant just talking and everyone had REAL smiles.
We’re past the point of discovery now, we’re adults, and it sucks that time has drove us away through its nature but lets face it. Nothing is forever, even the family we choose can be eroded and wither away into the nothingness it came from. With that said, I denounce my titles and the past from straight middle. I don’t see value in strangers that only want to drift apart yet still keep a mindset. The memories are what really carry the weight and that’s why they’ll live on through all of us. Someday we’ll realize the true depth in our roots but by then it’ll be beyond the point of return. I just hope it was worth it, I really, really do.
Your outcast, Andy.
